Father And Son
by blue peanut m and m
Summary: A songfic about Sam and John's fight before Sam leaves for Stanford, based loosely around the Cat Stevens song of the same name.


"**Father And Son"**

**Summary. . . . . . . A fic about Sam and John's fight before Sam leaves to go to Stanford, loosely based around the Cat Stevens song Father and Son.**

**Disclaimer. . . . . . I don't own Supernatural or the Cat Stevens lyrics, but wish I did as both are awesome. **

**A.N. . . . . . . Was listening to this song whilst travelling to work the other day and couldn't believe how fitting the son parts were to Sam and the idea for a song fic wouldn't leave me alone. The father bits I've had to take liberty with and have created a scenario around John that could, or could not have happened. This is something so completely new for me, and so far away from my comfort zone, but I really needed to do this. Please be kind. Thanks as always for reading, Peanut x**

**Thanks Kris for the added touches to this one.**

_[Originally by Cat Stevens]__Father_

_Its not time to make a change,_

_Just relax, take it easy._

_You're still young, that's you're fault,_

_There's so much you have to do._

_Find a girl, settle down, _

_If you want you can marry._

_Look at me, I am old but I'm happy._

_I was once like you are now, And I know that it's not easy._

_To be calm, when you know some things going on._

_So take your time, think a lot,_

_Why think of everything you've got,_

_For you will still be here tomorrow,_

_But you're dreams may not._

Dust motes created by the sudden slamming of the bedroom door rose and settled around a broken down table, its surface chipped and worn just like the man that stared forlornly at it, his eyes furious and yet at the same time saddened. He didn't look up as the same door opened and closed again, the other occupant of the small, untidy kitchen retreating behind it in an attempt to change the outcome of the storm that had raged not five minutes ago, a storm in which words had been said in anger, words that no matter what couldn't be taken back, words he knew he would live to regret.

He blocked out the raised voices as his mind took him back to another time, a time when he had been the one on the other side of the door, a time when he had been the one on the receiving end of words he didn't want to hear, a time when a life in the army seemed like the only way out of the two bit town he lived in, for him. His father had tried in vain, used every way possible he could think of to try to stop him from going to war, to stay, settle down, get married, to stay there in town, to grow old. But it was all in vain, his young mind filled with thoughts of saving people. He chose to ignore his father's protests, to leave, to never return until it was too late to apologize, until he had seen too many things, done too many things, until he was no longer the same person he had been, until he wished he had listened, until he came back and did exactly what his father had wished, settled down, got married and started to grow old.

_Son_

_How can I try to explain,_

_When I do he turns away again,_

_And it's always been the same, same old story._

_From the I could talk, I was ordered to listen._

_Now I know there's a way and I have to go away._

_I have to go._

He stared incredulously at the man before him, his hand touching the cheek that still stung from the blow that had been landed there, his heart broken by the words that had been spoken. He had tried to explain his reasons, tried to explain his actions, but as always his father had turned away, had closed his mind, his heart, to the thought that his son was unhappy. Those years of constant orders, years of moving around from town to town, had worn his son down so much he no longer felt like the same child he had once been.

Storming from the room, though the stifling clouds of tension, anger, regret and hurt that threatened to engulf him, he made his way to what little sanctuary his small room held, past the brother he hadn't even realized was there, a brother he loved dearly, a brother he idolized, yet despised at the moment for leaving him alone in his battle. He slammed the bedroom door behind him, tears burning behind eyes that refused to allow them to fall, heart torn by a decision now taken from his hands. He could no longer stay, he had to go away, and there would be no coming back, no happy ending. No proud parent watching as he strode into the prestigious college, no proud family to watch as he found his girl and settled down, no proud family to show to his own sons.

_Father._

_It's not time to make a change just sit down take it easy,_

_You're still young, that's your fault,_

_There's so much you have to do._

_Find a girl, settle down,_

_If you want you can marry._

_Look at me I am old but I'm happy_

_(son- away, away, away I know I have to make this decision alone)_

He kept his eyes downcast as he heard the door open, already knowing from the quiet that had descended, cutting into the cloying atmosphere, that his eldest had failed, that he had gone too far in his anger and pushed his son too far, that the stubbornness he was famous for himself had taken hold and no words were powerful enough to break it once again. He cried inside at the thought of his baby out there on his own in a world filled with so much danger. He had figured saying to his son to stay gone would have been enough to make him stay, figured that his youngest would never leave his brother. He should have known better; it hadn't worked on him, why should it have on his son?

Only as the front door closed silently behind his son, did he finally look up, his own eyes shining with wetness, his throat raw from biting down the emotions that threatened to bubble over and consume him. He wondered if this was what his father had felt like all those years ago. They had both wanted the same after all for their sons, to be safe. It's just that those thoughts on how to achieve that were so different. He wished they lived in a world were settling down and raising sons was achievable, wished that he could see his youngest become the great father he had no doubt he would be. But they didn't. Families in this life meant heartbreak, and constant fear, and he wished his son could see that.

"He'll be okay." He finally spoke when he felt more than heard his other son enter the room.

"You don't know that." Was all the reply he received in return, from a voice choked with bitterness.

"He made his choice, he doesn't want this life, and he wants to settle down, get married. You know as well as I do that's not something you can afford to do in this life. He'll find that out too eventually. He's a hunter deep down, he just hasn't realized it yet, but he will."

_Son_

_All the times that I cried, keeping all the things I knew inside,_

_It's hard, but it's harder to ignore it._

_If they were right, I'd agree, but it's them you know not me._

_Now there's a way, and I know that I have to go away._

_I know I have to go._

The tears fell as he took the final step across the threshold, took the first step towards his new life. After years of holding them back, of constantly hiding his feelings deep inside, it felt like a relief to unleash them at last. He slung the bulging backpack, filled with his whole life now, over his shoulder as he stepped off the porch and into the cold and rainy night. Although he hated to leave his brother, he knew he had made the right decision, that this was what was meant to be for him, that they were the ones that were wrong.

Trudging down the street, his heart heavy with regret, and yet at the same time filled with hope. Hope for a future that included a wife, and kids, and maybe even a dog. The tears began to dry and a small, sad smile began to form, creating a dimple in the cheek that still bore the signs of the storm that had raged. This was his life now, he had nothing to go back for, no family anymore, but he knew that one day he would have again.

**A.N. . . . . . . Well I did say this was different for me, and I'm still unsure about this but I thought what the hell. I hope that you enjoyed it, let me know. Will catch you soon, Peanut x**


End file.
